Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
