Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
