A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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