she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
