I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
