shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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