This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
