The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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