Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
