I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
