Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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