I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
