Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
