yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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