Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
