did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
