i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
