bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
