Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
