Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Is that strawberry winking at me??
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
