he wants to bone in the snuggie
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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