Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
