it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she smelled like a LAN party
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
