New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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