I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
