How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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