it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
