Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You're a waste of cheezeits
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
