winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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