I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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