last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
