matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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