It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
