he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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