evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
