Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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