if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
