I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
