Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
