We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
