I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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