Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Come see our sink grown plant.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
