I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
