Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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