Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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