we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
