and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
