You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
