Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
