So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
