He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
