you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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