Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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