hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
